Why I do what I do

I feel like a pretty aimless blogger these days. I suddenly find myself unsure what to write about. Mostly because I care way too much about what people think. If I blog about hearing loss too much, will people get bored? Will words like “Jesus” and “faith” and “Reformed” and “pray” and “conservative” and “Scripture” scare off the readers who don’t use those words much? If I share my opinion on Modern Family or cuss here and there, will my more church-y friends flee the scene (and return with pitchforks)? I wish I had the spine to say psh, who cares, I am who I am and I’ll write what I write and not worry about making other people happy. To that, I say, “Bwahahahahaha, do you not know me at all?!”

Ahem. I’m working on it.

Anyway, Jami writes one of my very favorite blogs. She’s HUH-larious, crafty and HISSS-terical. I know I pretty much said that already, but trust me on this one. It bears repeating. She wrote an awesome post about why she blogs and even though I have no offspring, I found it inspiring and even a little convicting. Basically, Jami blogs because as a mother, it’s her job to preserve her family’s memories and blogging helps her do that. She’s so noble and holy, y’all.

So I started asking myself why I blogged. I’m clearly not preserving memories for the fruit of my loins (that’s an awkward phrase. It just came to me. Go with it). I don’t have a niche blog centered around one subject. A lot of what I say is more along the lines of blah blah blah than wow! deep! funny! good! So what exactly am I doing here?

Psh. I wish I knew, that I had some pure and selfless reason for logging on to Blogger every day and word vomiting all over the screen. But really, my motivations tend toward the ordinary.

I like words. I like putting them together and taking them apart and experimenting with fragments, punctuation and structure. My idea of a good time includes thinking of creative ways to say regular things. Blogging helps keep me accountable. I write more intentionally and carefully if I know people are reading than if I’m just having a heart-to-heart with a Word document.

And I’ve said it before, but writers write to be read. Artists paint for people to enjoy their work. Composers and musicians want people to come to their concerts. We were born to create. Some of us create complex computer code, some of us pottery, theories, stories, rockets, clothes, etc. We all do something for other people to enjoy or use. It seems pointless – to me, anyway – to write without an audience. Is that narcissistic? I’m always trying to decide is blogging is an exercise in narcissism or not.

Another theme I’ve noticed lately is one of loneliness. I read a few posts this week where the blogger confessed feeling lonely. I wonder how many people blog out of a desire for connection. Something seems missing in our “real” lives, so we seek a virtual connection instead. I know that’s one thing that’s spurred me to share my thoughts – hoping somebody, somewhere in the big, vast internets would get it.

And finally, I think I’m just looking for a voice. Sometimes with my hearing loss, I feel overshadowed. It’s hard to speak up in a group because I’m not sure when to speak up. Plus I’m just an introvert. I tend to sit back and observe and think (and think and think and think) before sharing my two cents. So I guess blogging is just a way for me to communicate with a very loud world and a way for me to share my thoughts after all of the hullabaloo has died down.

I don’t know, it feels a little narcissistic now. Someone get me some babies so I can enter the ranks of holy mommy bloggers, stat!

How about you, my friends? What motivates you to publish posts?