Someone invent a reset button please

It is Wednesday, almost Thursday and I am still trying to get over Monday.

And friends, it was a Monday. It started when I woke up from startling dreams that involved me operating a C-Section on myself, watching someone break into my car and witnessing a monster truck tear through my backyard. How does one make it through the day unperturbed after a night like that, I ask you?

Just to bring home the ick factor of these nocturnal imaginings, here’s what I posted on Facebook (background info: my sister-in-law is actually pregnant with twins, and we refer to them as Baby A and Baby B):

Had a bizarre (morbid?) dream last night that I was the one pregnant with twins, my nurse was Ja’Nel from Hell’s Kitchen (I kept wondering if Gordon Ramsey was my OB) and yet I still had to perform my own C-Section on myself, only to see Baby A emerge as a toddler.

As soon as I woke up, I lifted my shirt to make sure I had not, in fact, sleep-operated on myself and double-checked to make sure my car was still in its spot in the driveway.
I’m pleased to report that all systems were go. 
Until I got to work and realized I was wearing my shower flip-flops. 
Yes.
You read that right. Shower flip flops. The same $2 Old Navy flip flops that I wear around the house and from the shower to my bedroom came along with me to my business-casual office. 
Shock. Dismay. Relief that I don’t work in a podiatrist’s office.
Followed by a bumbling sequence of sitcom proportions wherein I tried to eat Cheetos gracefully and failed colossally.
And that was just Monday.

Also, (ungraceful segue alert!) I have nary a graphic design bone in my body but this old blog needs a makeover. Any tips… or volunteers? 🙂

The gluten-free gig is not going well. I mean, it’s not even going at all, if we’re being honest. The problem with making sweeping statements is that I rarely have an actual plan in place and friends, trust me when I say it was probably easier to build the pyramids without modern machinery than it is to cut gluten out of your diet without recipes, a pantry stocked with rice, corn and quinoa, and, you know, willpower.

Speaking of quinoa, I bought and made some the other day and so far (get your rotten tomatoes ready to throw at me), I am not impressed. What did I do wrong? I bought the garlic and herb flavored kind from the grocery store and followed the instructions on the package. Maybe it’s something that needs to grow on me? What are your favorite quinoa recipes? Or do you think it’s overrated?

(Abrupt ending alert!)

I’m off to bed. Sweet dreams!

Or in my case, no dreams, please God, no.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on Google+

One thought on “Someone invent a reset button please

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *