So, the world is supposed to end tomorrow. If it’s tomorrow and you’re reading this, congratulations on your mad survival skillz. If I had to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, you know who I’d want by my side? Dwight K. Schrute (you know what’s fun? “Apocalyptic.” Remember in “Elf,” when Buddy goes, “Fransisco… that’s fun to say.” I am totally Buddy in this “apocalyptic” scenario).
Anyway, I had this little conversation with myself today:
<Moment of stressing while I worry about coming down with a cold but really needing to go to work tomorrow to get some stuff done before we’re off for Christmas> “Also I need to go to the grocery store. Or at least make a list. Oh wait, the world is supposed to end tomorrow. Well, that changes things.”
Then I planned to write a meaningful blog post but ended up wandering around the internet, waiting for inspiration to strike. And now I just want to take a hot bath and shave my legs. Because even in a post-apocalyptic world, one must always look their best. And who knows when I’d have access to a razor again?
But anyway, these could be our last few pre-apocalyptic moments, people! So here are some things to keep in mind:
1) God made you special and He loves you very much. I know this because a talking tomato and cucumber told me, which isn’t weird at all.
2) Chill out. I have lots of regrets and I don’t believe people who say they don’t. One of my biggest is that I tend to take myself and others and life far too seriously. Sometimes I want to grab myself by the shoulders and scream, “Calm. the crap. down!” So if the world ends tomorrow, ain’t no thing. Just take a chill pill and enjoy the ride.
3) Be nice. I was so cranky yesterday after rushing from work to join my family in watching “The Hobbit,” only to have the whole thing fall apart when the captioning device didn’t work. I may or may not have snapped at some people who didn’t deserve my frustration and I could have been way kinder to the people who did. Especially in light of recent events, I think we could all use and show a little more grace to each other. However, if you encounter a zombie at any point during the apocalypse, it is OK to ignore this advice.
I’m sure there are lots more deep, lovely and meaningful thoughts to share on Apocalypse Eve, but as it is, I am cold and these legs won’t shave themselves. Also, I would win the gold at the First World Problems Olympics.
Good luck tomorrow, and may the odds be ever in your favor.