You might be a redneck if…

… you have some hoity-toity, high-falutin’ ideas about how to clear the snow from around your car.

Let me preface this by saying that it was so nice of the maintenance crew to clear the walkway.

However, it was rude of them to pile the leftover snow next to my car.

Okay fine, plan B. I will do it myself. But I have no shovel in my life to keep me warm at night, so I asked around. No one had a shovel. Shameful. We live in the Midwest. It snows regularly. We should know better. Personally, I blame the education system.

Anyway, shovel-less + lots of snow = problem. A kindly friend tried calling the maintenance crew. No one answered.

See? Rude.

(But I guess there was a blizzard going on. And one time they came out on Labor Day to fix my lack of hot water issue. So we’re good.)

My shovel dreams shattered, I tried using a broom to clear the mess instead. Hilarious. It was like using a hairbrush to clean up an avalanche. Not going to work is not an option. So what’s a girl to do?

I will tell you. She says to herself, “Self, you don’t really need a shovel, per se. You just need a large, flat object to dig yourself out. You. Can. Do This.”

So I did.

Your eyes do not deceive you. That, my friends, is a cookie sheet. Jeff Foxworthy would be so proud.

Oh wait, there’s more. I brought these lovely ladies in for reinforcement.

Meanwhile, I looked something like this:

Hawt. Oh, future husband, you have so much to look forward to.

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